Written for NYC Midnight short screenplay challenge.
Heat6
Subject: Crime Caper
Character: Apprentice
Setting: Circus
Logline: Chicago’s first permanent circus is opening in a week, but
what with prohibition and all, it may be more than it seems.
PINK ELEPHANTS
1 EXT. CHICAGO STREETS
Sweeping shot over moonlit rooftops. A female voice speaks
in a thick New York accent. It is VALERIE.
VALERIE V/O
I’m a PI, at least I call myself a
PI. It’d be more correct to call
myself a consulting detective, but
then I’d sound like a tweedy Brit
and that hardly goes over well
around here.
The camera dips down to street level to show two men
talking.
VALERIE V/O
I have to consult, mind you. Most
people wouldn’t trust a dame with
their case. The police keep it
quiet of course but I don’t really
mind, I like to keep a low profile.
I’m the last thing criminals expect
from a detective. Credit would be
nice someday, but then I’d have to
contend with the inevitable push
back. Out of the frying pan and
into the fire I suppose. Damn it, I
sound like a Brit again.
ADLER and SMITH stand outside a large warehouse. It has been
raining and the streets have a light sheen, reflecting the
streetlights. ADLER is British, but speaks with an American
accent unless specified.
SMITH
(lights a cigarette)
So what kind of operation are you
planning on running here?
Contortionists and bearded ladies,
that kind of thing?
ADLER
(narrows his eyes)
With the best will in the world,
Mr. Smith, we are a circus, not a
freak show.
SMITH
Is there commonly a difference?
ADLER
Some shows are both, I grant you,
but we have acrobats and animal
tamers, trained professionals, not
people forced by an accident of
birth to parade themselves around
for the public’s amusement. (pause)
We do have a contortionist.
SMITH
I can’t tell if you’re at all
sympathetic.
ADLER
I prefer to keep people guessing. I
am the Great Addler after all. Now
how long will this take?
SMITH
Not long, if you find the location
suitable.
ADLER
I’m sure I will.
There is a pause.
SMITH
"The Great Addler", sounds more
like a magician than a circus
performer.
ADLER
(smiles)
Oh there’s crossover. This isn’t
just for kids, you know.
SMITH
(nods, pauses)
You do realize that a permanent
circus is an unusual arrangement,
don’t you?
ADLER
Mr. Smith, I have been in this
business for twenty years, of
course I know that. Everyone knows
that.
SMITH
Then you know it’s a bit of a risk
for me.
ADLER
(leans in close)
Look at it this way, if I fail I’m
just the man paying you rent, but
if I succeed you will forever own
the building where Chicago’s
Eternal circus is housed.
SMITH
(looks uncomfortable, but
collects himself)
Alright. If you’ll just come with
me around the corner we’ll get the
paperwork sorted out.
2 EXT. CHICAGO STREETS - NIGHT
ADLER leaves SMITH’s office and enters a phone box. He dials
a number. It rings twice then there is a click.
ADLER
We’re golden, I’ll be back in half
an hour if Harry hasn’t completely
abandoned me with the car.
A rough, South London British man’s voice answers.
RUPERT
How much?
ADLER
500 a month.
RUPERT
Please tell me that isn’t 500 K?
ADLER
Nope, 500 greenbacks even.
RUPERT
Do you really have to keep up that
ridiculous accent all the time?
ADLER
(in his British accent, more
posh than RUPERT)
I’m practicing, you should as well.
RUPERT
I’m your British lion tamer, I
don’t need to practice.
ADLER
The guys we’re selling to won’t buy
from a Brit and you’ve always been
the one on the ground; You should
practice.
RUPERT
(in a perfect Chicago drawl)
Fine. When can we start?
ADLER
(American again)
Whenever your end’s ready.
RUPERT
We’ll start in a week then.
From here on out RUPERT is also using an American accent
unless specified. RUPERT hangs up. HARRY pulls up in the car
and ADLER gets in. The car starts to pull forward but there
is a desperate knock at the window. The car lurches to a
stop. ADLER rolls down the window. DIANE is on the other
side. She is dressed in a low cut lacy shirt and high heels
with a short skirt. ADLER admires her curvy figure for a
moment.
DIANE
(slightly out of breath)
Hey, please I’m on the run, would
you help me? Please? Let me in the
car.
ADLER
(looks at her getup with a
raised eyebrow)
Are the cops on your tail?
DIANE
No, I don’t think so, but they’re
looking for me, please can you
help?
ADLER
(nods)
Get in.
They sit in silence for a few moments. DIANE relaxes, then
looks down at her clothes, realizing how the situation
looks.
DIANE
Look, don’t expect a reward, okay?
I’m not what you think; I just
dress like this to get attention.
ADLER
For what?
DIANE
My man’s a bootlegger. I help out
with most areas of operation, and
pretty girls attract people to the
speakeasy. Only our joint’s just
been busted and I think I’m the
only one who got out.
ADLER
How did you get out?
DIANE
(shrugs)
I ran.
ADLER
And you abandoned your fella?
DIANE
I’m a survivor. I couldn’t help him
and there’s no point getting
arrested for bootlegging.
ADLER
Oh indeed?
DIANE
Look, I believe in the law
generally, but Prohibition is the
worst mistake this government’s
ever made, which is saying a lot.
We ran a good business, we made the
place safer, to be perfectly frank.
We never stocked anything that
wasn’t top quality. We never had
any Jake-walkers, and no one ever
went blind from our hooch, that’s a
stone cold fact.
HARRY
(laughs)
Smart dame.
ADLER
Shut up, Harry. (turns back to
DIANE) So you know suppliers then
(DIANE nods), and I’m guessing you
know the big buyers?
DIANE
(smiles)
Always know the competition.
ADLER
Did you just sell or can you make
your own product?
DIANE
Only whiskey. But I’m good at it.
ADLER
(laughs)
Harry, I think we’ve found
ourselves a new business partner.
What’s your name, sister?
DIANE
Diane Weston.
ADLER
Adler Chandler. Welcome aboard, do
you like the circus, Diane?
3 INT. POLICE DEPT. - MORNING
BRIAN sits at his desk, his phone rings.
BRIAN
Hello?
VALERIE
Hello, Brian.
BRIAN
Val, good work last night, I
thought we were supposed to pick
you up though, I was worried.
VALERIE
Something came up, I’m fine. You
know me, never without a backup
plan.
BRIAN
Yeah I suppose. To what do I owe
this conversation?
VALERIE
I’m busy suddenly, as I say
something’s come up, tonight won’t
do for a lesson, but I should be
free next week Saturday.
BRIAN
Actually I’m going to the circus
that day.
VALERIE
Really, that’s not like you.
BRIAN
Well apparently someone’s opening
an "eternal circus", haven’t you
seen the fliers? They’re everywhere
suddenly. I thought I’d see opening
night.
VALERIE
Desperate to see the opening of a
show that promises to be permanent?
BRIAN
Well, it’s a stupid idea, it
probably won’t last.
VALERIE
(the smile in her voice is
audible)
No, I suppose it won’t.
BRIAN
Hang on, do you know something?
VALERIE
Meet me there and we’ll see if you
can figure it out.
BRIAN
(sighs)
Val, you do know the boys give me
hell for learning detective work
from a girl, right?
VALERIE
Well, you just remind them that
you’re smarter than all of them put
together and without me the
department would be dead in the
water. Also I’ll kick their asses.
BRIAN
Yeah, Peterson remembers. Who knew
anyone could get enough balance for
a kick in stiletto heels?
VALERIE
Well, I did, because I practiced.
BRIAN
(pauses for a moment)
Why do you put up with me?
VALERIE
Well for one thing you’re the only
honest cop in the city, as far as I
can see.
BRIAN
(smiles, nods)
And for another?
VALERIE
You’ve got the soul of a detective,
I can see that, the way you look
around, the way you ask questions.
How you’re just cynical enough to
understand how people tick without
completely losing your mind. I’ve
never told you this before?
BRIAN
You’re not usually one for
compliments.
VALERIE
Well, you never ask for them.
Anyway, I’m in a good mood now.
BRIAN
Something is definitely up, then?
VALERIE just laughs and hangs up. BRIAN shrugs and smiles.
4 INT. WAREHOUSE DISTILLERY SIDE - DAY
DIANE, ADLER, and RUPERT are standing by crates and crates
of booze. There is also a still in the corner, bubbling
away.
DIANE
So the circus is a front, eh?
RUPERT
We’re standing in a room full of
illegal booze. Please tell me
that’s clear enough evidence for
you that the circus is a front.
DIANE
(smiles to herself)
Sure thing, Boss.
ADLER
Don’t be so hard on her, Rupert,
remember she’s got information that
could increase our profits by leaps
and bounds. Do you have the list,
Diane?
DIANE
(hands over some sheets of
paper)
There’s you main buyers,
speakeasies, rich booze hoarders,
then there’s your best suppliers,
good stuff, no poison. And I’ve
included the main people who’d
rather kill you than work with you.
Why a circus, by the way?
RUPERT
Because Adler knows circuses and I
know smuggling.
ADLER
I’ve got the best people in the
country. They’re rehearsing now if
you want to see.
DIANE
I’d love to.
ADLER
It’s a little rough; we don’t open
for another week.
DIANE turns to go. RUPERT pulls ADLER aside, whispers, using
his real voice.
RUPERT
I don’t trust her.
ADLER
(also using his real voice)
Come on, she’s perfect. (watches
DIANE’s legs as she walks away)
RUPERT
That’s just it; she’s too perfect,
her information is too close to
exactly what we need. Also we both
know you’re easily allured.
ADLER
Give her a week, Rupert.
RUPERT
Fine, just a week and if anything
fishy comes up, she’s gone.
5 INT. WAREHOUSE CIRCUS SIDE - EVENING
BRIAN sits down just as the show begins. ADLER comes on
stage first, welcomes the crowd, and performs a few magic
tricks. The audience is loving it. It is actually a good
show. Next the acrobats come on stage through a huge
billowing curtain. BRIAN sniffs, frowns, and slips out.
6 EXT. WAREHOUSE - EVENING
BRIAN is standing in a phone box, there are two rings on the
other line.
POLICE CHIEF
Yes?
BRIAN
Hey, Chief? It’s Brian. I think
this new circus thing is a front
for a distillery; I need
reinforcements.
POLICE CHIEF
Why do you say that?
BRIAN
I smelled it. They tried to hide it
with incense but I could tell; I’ve
got a nose for it. Plus they’re
using less than half the building
for the circus.
7 INT. WAREHOUSE DISTILLERY SIDE - NIGHT
ADLER and RUPERT enter. DIANE is checking the still.
DIANE
Excellent first show boys. Now the
apprentice equals the master.
RUPERT
What?
DIANE
I wasn’t talking to you.
BRIAN runs in with five policemen.
BRIAN
Hello Val! Fancy seeing you here.
DIANE smiles; she is in fact VALERIE. She switches to
VALERIE’s accent.
VALERIE
Welcome! Good sleuthing, Brian.
RUPERT
(a hint of his British accent
showing through in his anger)
I knew it, I knew we couldn’t trust
you! Who are you really?
VALERIE
I’m with the circus.
RUPERT
(furious, losing his American
accent completely)
Make some sense woman!
VALERIE sighs. The rest of her lines are in a British
accent.
VALERIE
I’m from the circus, only mine is
Piccadilly.
She pulls out a badge proclaiming her Valerie Ibbot of His
Majesty’s secret service. BRIAN pauses in the middle of
handcuffing RUPERT with a look of shock. ADLER takes a step
back in horror, RUPERT’s face is a mask of rage.
ADLER
(With his British voice)
They followed us. God damn it they
followed us!
VALERIE
You’re the whole reason I came to
Chicago. I played a classy New York
PI for a while to scout out the
area, then I pounced. You bought my
story faster then I could have ever
expected, but then again I use what
I’ve got (she throws back her
shoulders with a rakish wink).
Diane’s a little more brash about
it than I am, did you like that?
BRIAN
Hang on, what the hell is going on?
VALERIE
I’m sorry to have lied to you,
Brian. Adler and co. tried a
similar stunt in London in ’25.
They escaped capture, but Scotland
Yard heard they’d moved to Chicago
and I was assigned to catch them
here. (turns to RUPERT) Although I
must say this is a step up morally
from stolen antiquities. I meant
what I said about prohibition being
utter crock; it’ll never last.
BRIAN
(stunned)
So do they have more female agents
in Britain?
VALERIE
God no, I’m the only one I know of.
I started out as a secretary and
moved through the ranks at a
snail’s pace. They barely let me
have this case, which as they go is
pretty mundane. I handled it
brilliantly though, they won’t be
able to ignore that.
ADLER, RUPERT and the five policemen move off. BRIAN
remains, still slightly stunned.
VALERIE
And now, Brian, we have got to go
find someone named Harry before he
gets wind of this. I lost track of
him somewhere along the way. (BRIAN
doesn’t move) Well come on!
END
